Satire

MITCH BENN starts his weekly look back at some of the highlights and lowlights of recent days… UNFATHOMABLE STRATEGY OF THE WEEK The trouble with an inscrutable and mysterious strategy is that to the untrained eye, it’s indistinguishable from an entirely non-existent one. What is Sir Keir Starmer’s plan as leader of the opposition? Does it […]

Brexit latest… Your weekly check on how Project Fear is becoming Project Reality. It has been another gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, as a senior minister accused the EU of seeking “petty revenge” – and then hinted that the government might ban imports of European mineral water and seed potatoes. The grandstanding […]

It is an attractive idea, but flawed, says MITCH BENN. You may remember that a couple of weeks ago I suggested that when one is considering whether a given project has ‘worked’, one should bear in mind that its ostensible objective (ie. what the public are told it’s supposed to achieve) and its actual objective (ie. […]

Steve Anglesey brings you your weekly check on how Project Fear is becoming Project Reality. It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, with Brexit red tape causing trade to take a Monty Python turn. There are empty shelves in some smaller UK cheese shops, with Michael Harte of importer […]

MITCH BENN gives a pro-European take on why he’s keeping the Union flags in his Twitter handle. Those of you who follow me on Twitter may have noticed that I have two little flag emojis appended to my Twitter handle: the EU flag and the Union flag. I hope you’ll forgive my observation of the […]

Your weekly check on how Project Fear is becoming Project Reality, selected by Steve Anglesey.  It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain as Michael Gove’s war on experts appeared to have been extended to exports. The Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, in charge of ensuring smooth trade after […]

We now live in the age of belief, says MITCH BENN, where conviction trumps everything. I’m under very few illusions as to how much influence I bring to bear on events. I can trot out wry observations and snarky comments (sometimes with a tune), so as to (hopefully) amuse the readers of this esteemed publication, […]

MITCH BENN on how Remainers are now accused of revelling in the adverse impacts of Brexit. There’s always an element of ‘preaching to the choir’ when it comes to print journalism in this country; pretty much every newspaper on the stands has, to varying degrees, a political standpoint of which its readers are aware and, presumably, endorse. So […]

If Brexit really was about winding up ‘Radio 4 types’ like MITCH BENN, there were easier ways to go about it. The more the effects of Brexit make themselves felt, the harder it gets to understand what the point of it was in the first place. During what for want of a more descriptive term […]

Trump’s refusal to accept the end of his presidency was predicted by Mitch Benn in 2017… because he had seen it foretold in Game of Thrones.  Here’s the thing: I’m not an expert. On anything. I know a fair bit about a fair few things, but the capacity to store and retrieve biggish reserves of […]

Britpop, I imagine most of you are old enough to remember, was a loosely applied umbrella tern referring to the movement of varyingly retro British guitar bands which rose to dominate the UK pop charts in the mid 1990s. I was in my mid 20s at the time – pretty much the same age as […]

Remember the lessons of 2016… A new year doesn’t mean everything will be better. Over the last few weeks, as I’ve read and heard many people express an entirely understandable longing to be rid of 2020, I’ve been reminded of the eerily similar outpouring of relief and/or hope which issued forth four years ago. 2016, […]

Keep your spirits high with The New European‘s alternative Christmas songs, specially penned for the season by columnist Mitch Benn BREXIT WONDERLAND Shop bells ring, no-one’s listening On the shelves, things are missing A worrying sight, we’re hungry tonight Starving in a Brexit Wonderland Gone away is the old deal Here to stay is the […]

MITCH BENN on the annual controversy over Fairytale of New York. One of my favourite things about the Christmas season is the way that new Yuletide traditions are always evolving and emerging to take their place alongside the more ‘time-honoured’ ones. A recent addition to the canon of Christmas customs is the online game Whamageddon; as […]

So as I type this it’s the morning of December 1, and I’ve just done something I always do on this day each year; put my earphones in, hit up the Christmas songs playlist for the first time and hit ‘shuffle’. I think I’ve mentioned before that I operate a strict embargo system where Christmas […]

MITCH BENN on the delights and the dangers of indulging in nostalgia. One of the few industries to derive any sort of benefit from this flaming bin fire of a year has been podcasting: with swathes of the global population being confined indoors for much of the last few months (and with leisure options having […]

What the world craves now is some slightly more ‘precedented’ politics, says MITCH BENN. I don’t know about you, but I could really use some boredom right now. It’s pretty exhausting living in ‘unprecedented’ times, isn’t it? Every day something else unprecedented befalls us, whether it’s an unprecedented pandemic, an unprecedented level of chaos in the response […]

MITCH BENN on why he would almost be as bad as Boris Johnson. There’s a very useful expression which succinctly encapsulates the difference between the concepts of knowledge and wisdom. As is sometimes the case with such modern aphorisms, I’ve heard a few different versions of it, and I’m not sure with whom the phrase […]

Mitch Benn says Joe Biden’s altruism beats Donald Trump’s cynicism. I do realise that I’ve been talking about America a lot just recently (and that this paper is called The New European) but I feel I should cast at least a nervous nod across the pond this week as this will be the last column […]

I read that Dame Julie Walters, having recently turned 70 and survived a brush with cancer, has said that she’s considering retiring from acting, although she might be tempted back to do Mamma Mia 3 if it happens. What’s perhaps interesting about this announcement is the fact that it’s considered newsworthy at all… A woman […]

Like many of you, I’ve made some new discoveries over the course of this virus-beset year. I read, both on social and ‘regular’ media, of people finding new hobbies, new TV shows to box-binge, new podcasts to follow, new books to read. I myself have stumbled upon something rather wonderful, something I perhaps didn’t realise […]

Many years ago now, I was on a panel at a sceptics’ conference with, among other luminaries, professor Richard Dawkins (it’s on YouTube if you look for it). Towards the end of the discussion we were asked if there could be a version of ‘God’ which we could find easier to believe in than those […]

It was more a source of sadness than surprise in the USA last week when the indomitable but very frail and elderly Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away, giving the Republican president and senate a chance to rush-confirm another right-wing judge onto the bench before the (extremely) imminent election. It was a source of some […]

I don’t know about you, but I rather miss being bored by British politics. For the last couple of decades, I’ve been obsessively following American political developments; in fact, for much of the early part of the period I paid rather more attention to events across the pond than to what was happening over here. […]

Donald Trump’s comments about the military show that he’s only interested in self-service, writes MITCH BENN. As I mentioned here last week, there is an ongoing deluge of tell-all books written by former associates (and indeed family members) of president Trump, detailing his various alleged excesses and misdeeds and timed, one can’t help but suppose, […]

MITCH BENN on how former TV personalities such as Boris Johnson and Donald Trump should be banned from becoming politicians. Okay, how’s this for a semi-serious suggestion: anyone who’s ever presented a TV game show should be barred for life from running for high office. What do you think? I’m sorry if this nips in […]

MITCH BENN reflects on his childhood television habits as streaming giants prepare to reboot old favourites. If the current (and yes it is still current, whatever the government says) pandemic has benefitted one industry more than any other, it has to be the burgeoning TV streaming sector. I’ve heard some people opine – probably in […]

After poking fun at the Conservative Party, MITCH BENN reports on the long road ahead for the Labour Party. Eagle-eyed (and elephant-brained) readers may recall that I spent all of last week’s column poking fun at the Conservative Party; specifically the way that occasional attempts by Tory politicians to look and act normal merely serve […]

MITCH BENN says he is disturbed by Conservative politicians attempting to act normal. You may have run into the term ‘Uncanny Valley’; it’s an expression primarily used in the fields of robotics and computer animation. It refers to that uniquely uncomfortable phenomenon whereby the more human something looks, the more disturbing the fact that it’s […]

MITCH BENN on how Boris Johnson’s decisions to tackle obesity are not helping. As is generally the case with what we will, for the lack of a more accurate term, call our present ‘government’, I find myself wondering if I’d be eyeing their newfound enthusiasm for tackling obesity with less suspicion if it were coming […]

MITCH BENN says loyalty is great, but it’s rarely an indicator of intelligence – and that’s the government’s problem. It’s good to know that as the country sinks into ever more viscous mires of torpor and despair, there’s still someone out there who can be guaranteed to raise a smile. I refer of course to […]

MITCH BENN on the tell-all memoir by Mary Trump which delves deep into the president’s pschye. I’m sure you’ve all heard the expression ‘I think, therefore I am’; it was first coined by the philosopher René Descartes in 1637 and it describes, succinctly, the limits placed upon human cognition and on the whole idea of […]