Who's been mocking Jeff Bezos's nuptials?

Jeff Bezos has arrived in Venice for his three-day wedding celebration – and the Daily Mail’s Stephen Glover has no truck for those mocking the Amazon tycoon’s gaudy nuptials with Lauren Sánchez.

“The fact remains that Jeff Bezos is a kind of genius who has created an enterprise – Amazon – that supplies an indispensable service for hundreds of millions of people, besides offering employment to many hundreds of thousands,” harrumphed Glover, who is coincidentally also in Venice. “Though not for the Bezos-Sánchez nuptials”, he added, in case anyone feared the famously humourless columnist had been tasked with making a speech.

“I must have been saved hundreds of hours by Mr Bezos. Instead of trudging along to the local ironmonger to be told that they have run out of the required size of wingnuts, I turn to Amazon, which sells every wingnut imaginable,” went on Glover, who is no stranger to a wingnut.

“We can mock Jeff and Lauren if we wish… but the future lies with them and their ilk, not with poor, lovely Venice, nor with our own declining continent,” he concluded.

Who on earth would be mocking such a delightful couple? Perhaps he’s referring to his fellow Daily Mail columnist Maureen Callahan, who rather cruelly referred to Bezos’s “big fat incel wedding” and suggested that “pasty tech nerd Bezos’ $76 million overcompensation… will finally pop his pneumatic bride”.

“It’s not enough that Bezos squires Sánchez to President Trump’s inauguration with her implants bursting out of a lowcut blazer,” wrote Callahan. “Or that fellow tech billionaire Mark Zuckerberg was caught ogling her like a 12-year-old boy.

Suggested Reading

Venice cannot be bought, Mr. Bezos

Jessica Lionnel

“Or that for the past week, the 61-year-old Sánchez has had her boobs and ass hanging out all over the Mediterranean, frolicking through a daytime foam party that, frankly, feels almost freak-off adjacent.” The marriage was “in for a spectacular divorce”, she speculated. But what about those wingnuts, Maureen?

Or perhaps Glover had his eye on another fellow Mail columnist, Sarah Vine, who noted that “the modern breed of super-rich have no respect for anyone or anything”.

“They expect the very air to bend to their will. They act like spoilt children because they can – and because no one can afford to say no to them,” said the former Mrs Gove, currently hawking the tell-all tale of her marriage across TV and radio studios nationwide.

“But some things can’t be bought. Given the time of year, the canals will not only be heaving with tourists – but also the familiar aroma of centuries of human detritus that hangs in the air when the mercury spikes.

“Anyone who knows the real Venice knows that no amount of money or extravagant embellishments can ever truly disguise that particular aroma. Perhaps, when all is said and done, Venice IS the perfect setting for the Bezos extravaganza after all.”

Mock them if you wish – but the future lies with them!