Paul Golding or Mohammed Hijab? There's only one way to find out...

Amateur boxing bouts between YouTubers has become quite the draw in the world of Z-list celebrities recently, so perhaps it was only a matter of time those on the fringes of politics were lured into settling their differences with a bout of fisticuffs.

Paul Golding, the co-leader of fascist hate group Britain First, and Mohammed Hijab, an outspoken Islamic preacher and influencer, have announced plans for a mixed martial arts cage fight to take place at a secret location later this year in order, presumably, to finally end racial tensions in the UK.

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Hyped on a promotional YouTube video as “an ideological grudge years in the making, now settled under the heavyweight MMA rules”, “the most ideologically charged match-up the UK’s ever seen” and, less accurately, “the fight the whole country will be watching”, the punch-up is due to take place at the unannounced venue on June 28, livestreamed (at a cost) on social media.

The scrap appears to have been in gestation for some time. When it was first mooted to take place in October last year, it was welcomed by a writer called Fred Sculthorp in the Daily Telegraph who, under the headline ‘Praise Mohammed Hijab for reviving the spirit of Merry England’, wrote how “the Islamic preacher’s plans to fight the leader of Britain First is just the injection of carnivalesque Bacchanalia that the country needs” (for some reason it was Sculthorp’s first and indeed only byline in that newspaper).

When it failed to materialise then Golding claimed that his lawyers had uncovered unspecified reasons which prevented it happening. Now those have been overcome and it appears to be going ahead. Truly, what a time to be alive!