Nigel Farage’s golden ticket contest makes him a complete and utter Wonka

Remember Charlie Bucket, the working class kid who found a golden ticket in his Wonka bar and ended up owning a chocolate factory?

Now you could follow in his footsteps by winning Reform’s own golden ticket contest and gaining exclusive access to another place that churns out endless amounts of gloopy brown stuff – the mind of Nigel Farage!

The favourite party of Russians and racists is offering five lucky winners the chance to have a PFL (“proper fucking lunch”) with Nigel and hear him rant one-to-one about how the Oompah Loompahs should go back to their own country. And just like Charlie, to stand a chance, all you need to do is buy a product and hope one of the precious golden tickets is inside.

The slight difference between this contest and the one created by Roald Dahl is that while Charlie’s winning bar only cost him a few pennies, finding Reform’s golden ticket requires you first to spend £350 on a signed Reform football shirt – in their exciting new ‘blackshirt’ style, which comes with “a real signature from Nigel Farage, a numbered Certificate of Authenticity, a collector’s edition presentation gift box and automatic entry into the golden ticket draw”.

The Limited Edition Collector’s Shirt – Signed By Nigel Farage

One thousand collector’s shirts are available, meaning that if they all sell out, the far right party will have trousered £350,000 – less the cost of the shirts and buying five gullible souls steak and chips (well done, please). But given the wonders that Charlie Bucket experienced in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, surely £350 is a small price to pay for the chance of a private glimpse into a silly wanker’s hate factory?