It's GB News v Reform in a fight over flags

The revolution continues to eat its own children – with GB News all in a lather after a Reform-run council said it planned to remove Union and Cross of St George flags strewn across its county.

Warwickshire Council – led by 19-year-old George Finch – is to temporarily remove the flags over the Christmas period, after the private contractors installing the festive lights which normally adorn lampposts and the like ruled leaving them there alongside the decorations could constitute a fire hazard.

Still, this apparently reasonable reasoning was not enough for GB News anchor and resident Wokefinder General Martin Daubney, who was apoplectic his beloved banners would be temporarily coming down. “Have they gone completely and utterly woke?”, the former page3.com editor spluttered on his daily show.

Fortunately, Finch was on hand to reassure him. “Reform in Warwickshire has not gone woke!” he insisted. “We cannot go woke in Warwickshire!

“But just to lay down some of the facts, it’s not us saying they can’t be put up, it’s the private contractors and, look, there’s [sic] people in Warwickshire that want Christmas up so I think that they take precedence over some flags and, look, let’s be completely frank, it’s a pragmatic way forward and, looking at some of the flags now, they are deteriorating on these flagposts, so we wanna bring them down, which is fine, clean them, refresh them, and the people can put them back up in January and the New Year.”

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Daubney, though, continued to spy infiltration at the local authority. “Isn’t it the council workers who are actually being woke here?” he asked Finch, who proceeded to launch into a quite spectacular non-sequitur.

“We have to make sure that Christmas, biggest Christian festival of the year, is adhered to, Christmas is a time where, especially with this Labour budget and a Labour government hurting families, I want the young children in Warwickshire to feel that magic of Christmas because I do know that the high costs of energy, high cost of presents and food is gonna hurt lots of families, and I just wanna make sure that they can feel every spirit of Christmas,” rambled the teenager.

But this was still not enough for Daubney and his flag fascination. “Is there not a way, for example, of having the flag a bit lower down the lamppost and having the lights above the lamppost so they can exist in harmony?,” he quizzed the council leader. “We can have a patriotic Christmas.”

Alas, Finch reiterated it was still ruled to be a fire hazard, leading to Daubney’s final killer question.

“So George, just to confirm: it will be Merry Christmas, and not Merry Wokemas?,” he demanded. Fortunately, Finch was able to confirm it would be. Thank goodness that was settled ahead of the celebrations!