Get set for the Oscars - it's Melania: The Movie

Clear the White House mantelpiece for the inevitable Oscars – the trailer for Melania: The Movie is here!

Amazon MGM Studios has revealed the first details of the film, for which it reportedly spent $40 million on acquiring the rights for and promises “unprecedented access” to the world’s least happy-looking woman.

The film, directed by Brett Ratner – whose own career stalled following allegations of sexual misconduct in 2017 – is not expected to deliver any withering insights into the life of the Trumps. The closest it comes to conflict is in the opening scene of the trailer when, as Donald says that “my proudest legacy will be that of peacemaker”, Melania corrects him that, no, he will be remembered as “peacemaker and unifier”.

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Incredibly, rather than just restrict the vanity project to streaming, where viewing figures are rarely made public, Amazon MGM Studios is putting Melania out to cinemas across the US from January 30 – which at least will give Donald something to chat about with his chum Gianni Infantino next time they meet up.

FIFA’s own puff-piece movie, 2014’s ludicrous United Passions, lost around $26.8 million of its estimated $29 million budget, with it grossing a mere $319 on its opening day from 10 cinemas in New York, Los Angeles, Washington, Phoenix, Kansas City, Miami, Minneapolis, Houston, Dallas and Philadelphia. The FilmBar theatre in Phoenix reported a gross of $9, indicating that only one person bought a ticket to see the film.

Can Melania beat that lowly record? And if, God forbid, it fails to take the best picture prize at the ensuing Academy Awards, will Infantino just invent his own FIFA Oscars to present Melania with a trinket anyway?