10 mad moments from Trump’s State of the Union speech

All Republicans stood up while most Democrats remained seated, leading Trump to dub them “crazy”. “Democrats are destroying our country, but we’ve stopped them just in the nick of time, didn’t we, huh?” said the leader of the free world to much a-whoopin’ and a-cheerin’.

2 TRUMP CLAIMED HE ENDED A WAR BETWEEN KOSOVO AND ‘SERVIA’

The president boasted once again of the eight wars he had single-handedly ended during the first year of his second term, including those between Kosovo and somewhere called “Servia”, “Israel and Iran, Egypt and Ethiopia, Armenia and Azerbaijan, the Congo and Rwanda, and of course the war in Gaza, which proceeds at a very low level”.

Kosovo and Serbia are not in a state of declared war as of early 2026, but have experienced ongoing tensions over the past four years. Trump’s solution to the Iranian situation was to bomb it, fighting continues between Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo despite a 2025 peace agreement, the only war between Egypt and Ethiopia ended in 1876, when Ulysses S. Grant was president, and Gaza remains a work in progress. He can probably have Armenia and Azerbaijan, if it means that much to him.

3 TRUMP CITED A BUNCH OF COMPLETELY MADE UP FOREIGN INVESTMENT FIGURES

“In 12 months I secured commitments for more than $18 trillion pouring in from all over the globe,” boasted Trump to clapping, cheering and even whistling from approving Republicans. 

“Think of it, much less than $1 trillion for your years versus much more than $18 trillion for one year. What a difference a president makes. A short time ago we were a dead country. Now we are the hottest country anywhere in the world. The hottest!”.

A phenomenal figure alright, and one, if true, which would equate to double-digit gains in GDP growth, an achievement few countries have ever managed, and then only by discovering hitherto unknown oil or by being reconstructed following devastating wars. Or, in Trump’s case, simply making it up.

4 TRUMP CLAIMED THAT HIS TARIFFS WOULD REPLACE INCOME TAX

“I believe the tariffs, paid for by foreign countries, will, like in the past, substantially replace the modern-day tax, taking a great financial burden off the people that I love,” boasted the president. This was met with whooping and hollering by Republicans who, like Trump, have absolutely no idea how tariffs work.

5 TRUMP BEMOANED THE FACT HE COULD NOT GET A MEDAL OF HONOUR

After honouring a World War II veteran with the highest military decoration of the US armed forces, Trump said: “I’ve always wanted the Congressional Medal of Honour, but I was informed I wasn’t allowed to give it to myself”. He added: “If they ever open up that law, I will be there some day.”

Until that day, though, the medal remains only awarded to American soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen, guardians and coast guardsmen who have distinguished themselves by acts of valour, and Trump avoided service in the Vietnam War because his dad was very rich.

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6 TRUMP CLAIMED THAT HE HAD REDUCED THE COST OF PRESCRIPTION DRUGS BY MORE THAN 600%

“I took prescription drugs, a very big part of healthcare, from the highest price in the entire world to the lowest,” the president boasted. “That’s a big achievement. The result is price differences of 300, 400, 500, 600% and more.”

This indeed would be a big achievement, were it mathematically possible – unless Trump was actually paying people to take the drugs.

7 TRUMP SAID THAT HAMAS WORKED ALONG WITH ISRAEL AND THEY DUG AND THEY DUG AND THEY DUG

Addressing the situation in Gaza, Trump said: “Believe it or not, Hamas worked along with Israel and they dug and they dug and they dug. It’s a tough… it’s a tough thing to do going through bodies all over. Passing up 100 bodies sometime for each one that they found. Tough job. And, er… they finally got it back to 27. And then, Steve and Jared, they got it back to 28. They found all 28. Nobody thought that was possible, but we did it.”

Nope, no idea on this one.

8 TRUMP BOASTED ABOUT LIFTING AMERICANS OFF FOOD STAMPS

“In one year we have lifted 2.4 million Americans – a record – off of food stamps,” boasted Trump, to a huge standing ovation from Republicans. And indeed they have – by implementing significant cuts to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (or food stamps). The Department of Agriculture, which administers the programme, ordered states to reduce benefits to roughly 65% of normal levels for more than 40 million recipients

9 TRUMP TOOK CREDIT FOR THE US MEN’S ICE HOCKEY TEAM WINNING GOLD AT THE WINTER OLYMPICS

Introducing members of the successful stick-bashing squad, Donald Trump sought to make it all about Donald Trump, claiming: “Our country is winning again. In fact, we’re winning so much that we don’t know what to do about it. 

“People are asking me, please, please, Mr President, we’re winning too much, we can’t take it anymore. We’re not used to winning in this country until you came along, we’re just always losing, but now we’re winning too much. And I say, no, no, no, you’re going to win again, you’re going to win big, you’re gonna win bigger than ever.”

Trump then introduced the men’s ice hockey team and announced that Connor Hellebuyck, its goaltender, would be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. The US women’s ice hockey team, which also won gold, was not mentioned, because whatever.

10 A 57-YEAR-OLD CONGRESSMAN BEGGED TRUMP TO SIGN HIS TIE WITH HIS FACE ON IT

Troy Nehls, representative for Texas’s 22nd congressional district, begged the president to sign his tie, which had Trump’s face on it, as he left following his speech. “America loves you,” he told Trump, before producing a pen and saying: “Initial! Just an initial!”

Troy Nehls is 57 years old.