When King Charles III visited Germany in 2023, he received – among other gifts newly revealed in an official Palace register – an insect hotel and a Beethoven CD and DVD box set.
All due respect to bug luxury and German classical music, but let’s hope Friedrich Merz has packed something a bit flashier for Donald Trump. Which, frankly, sounds like Mission: Impossible.
Sources close to Merz say he’s feeling relaxed ahead of his first official trip to the White House this Thursday. Right. Then again, publicly admitting to sleepless nights isn’t exactly an option.
Merz insists he won’t be showing up like some desperate supplicant. Preparations in Berlin have been under way for some time now, and he has taken advice from fellow leaders who survived Trump unscathed – among them Italy’s Giorgia Meloni, Norway’s prime minister, Jonas Gahr Støre, and Finland’s president, Alexander Stubb.
So far, Merz and Trump have already spoken twice, and the chancellor recently shared his key insight about the art of the talk: use short sentences. “When you talk to him alone, it’s just small talk,” Merz said. “And it’s always important that you don’t talk for too long, but that you talk briefly and let him talk.” Merz was surprisingly open in admitting the chat was “very much about Trump”.
Germans listened with some relief when the Bundeskanzler also revealed he even has Trump’s mobile number. They text. Friedrich and Donald are also on first-name terms – although unlike in Germany this means next to nothing in the US.
What does count, though, is that the chancellor gets to stay at Blair House, the official guest residence next to the White House, where past guests range from Charles de Gaulle to Queen Elizabeth II. Who knows, Merz might even be invited across the street for a late night McDonald’s snack.
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If not, there are some not-so-light lunch topics the next day: chaotic tariffs, Russia’s war, Nato spending and the Middle East. On the looming 50% tariffs threatened by Trump, Merz can’t get involved in details – that’s Brussels’s job – but he’s been in constant contact with Ursula von der Leyen and could help build trust.
Merz has already taken a step towards Trump by endorsing Nato secretary-general Mark Rutte’s proposal: 3.5% of GDP for defence, plus 1.5% for infrastructure that could be used militarily. Trump had demanded 5% – so that’s close enough for a gold star, maybe.
Should Trump – like JD Vance and Marco Rubio – criticise Germany’s handling of the extremist AfD, it will be interesting to see whether Merz dares to voice the same outrage in the Oval Office as he did in Berlin.
There are challenges, however, that Merz couldn’t prepare for: he lacks Meloni’s Italian accent (which Trump loves), Macron’s je ne sais quoi (also a hit with Trump), and unlike Keir Starmer, Merz cannot reach into his inner pocket and produce a golden ticket to Buckingham Palace (Trump lives for monarchs and their dinners).
Reinstating the Kaiser to please Trump might be a bit much – also a legal nightmare. And let’s not forget Trump’s complicated relationship with his German roots, on his father’s side. For decades, his family pretended they were from Karlstad, Sweden, instead of the small wine-growing village Kallstadt on the German Weinstraße (wine route) in the Palatinate, probably to dodge anti-German sentiment.
This is history now, but he rarely has a kind word for “Good old Germany”. Trump may rave about his Scottish ancestry, but his disdain for German cars on Fifth Avenue is equally well known.
So, what to bring as a gift? It has to be something Trump will call “great”. According to Merz, every “second to third word” from the US president is “great” (not sure Trump will think it’s great having Merz talk so candidly about him).
Would dinner at Neuschwanstein Castle – a Bavarian Schloss that Disney could have drawn up – be great enough? Or better just gift-wrap the whole thing? What about Berlin’s Siegessäule? Swap the gold angel on top of the Victory Column for a golden Donald. Or let a Trump statue drive the Quadriga chariot on Brandenburg Gate.
Merz could squeeze the Shrine of the Three Kings from Cologne Cathedral into his cabin luggage. The Hermannsdenkmal in the Teutoburg Forest won’t fit, but give it a Trump-orange makeover and it could soothe the pain that Mount Rushmore still hasn’t added his face.
Merz will come up with something. And frankly, no major drama would be a gift in itself.
