Kemi Badenoch’s party just got slightly less terrible

There are many things one could say about Kevin Hollinrake, the man Kemi Badenoch has appointed as the new Conservative party chairman as part of her summer reshuffle. He used to live in a castle, for example. That’s something you could say about him. Another one would be to point out that his name can easily be sung to the tune of The Door’s “Riders On The Storm”. You can try it for yourself – Ke-vin Ho-llin-rake, Ke-vin Ho-llin-rake.

Amazingly, that’s a quality he shares with Nigel Huddleston, whose name can also be sung to the same tune. Ni-gel Hu-ddle-ston is the new shadow secretary of state for culture, by the way. He replaces Stuart Andrew, an MP who is, by all accounts, a man who exists in the world. His name, we must announce with deep regret, cannot be sung along to any obvious tune.

Has this felt convincing at all? Were you, at any point, feeling like you were reading serious, precise, encouraging analysis about the reshuffle of the shadow cabinet? I ask because I tried, I really did. Some may even say I tried my best. I’d tell those people to calm down and keep things in perspective, but still. I gave it a serious go.

I can’t say it’s something I really wanted to do, if I’m honest. I also get that you lead busy lives, and have many things to care about. These Titanic deckchairs can’t be even remotely near the top of the pile. Still, it’s our collective duty, I believe, to root for the Conservatives at the moment. No, really, I mean it.

For the avoidance of doubt, I’ve not suddenly had a change of heart, and decided to become the one person in Britain believing that Badenoch is doing brilliantly as leader of the opposition, and deserves more of a hearing. I’ve not started sniffing glue either. Instead, I believe that the country will always need a party representing the right, and I would take the Tories over Reform any day.

There has been much hand-wringing of late about the reasons why Nigel Farage is doing so well, but the polls show quite a clear-cut story. There are many people who would only ever want to vote for a right wing party, and they’ve been put off by the Tories being rubbish. They have, as a result, gone for the other option. It’s not rocket science.

Anyone wishing that Reform could go the way of UKIP and the Brexit Party should be wishing for the Conservative Party to start the long journey back towards sanity. It would take a while, and would need Badenoch to go and not be replaced with Robert Jenrick when she does, but it’s our only hope.

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Hell, it’s something you should wish for even if you don’t care about the Tories disappearing and getting swallowed up by Reform for good. Look at this Labour government. Fretful and unsure where to go next, they keep pandering to the hard right, in policies and rhetoric, as they worry about Farage eating their lunch.

By neutralising the populist threat, we could, perhaps, finally get a left-of-centre government actually looking and acting like one. Wouldn’t that be nice? Sadly, there isn’t much you or I can do to make it happen. Well, I suppose we could all infiltrate local Tory associations, but that doesn’t half feel like a faff.

A more acceptable compromise would be to try and take the party a bit more seriously and, say, paying actual attention to what it’s doing. It was, for example, a bona fide good idea for Badenoch to bring her one-time leadership rival James Cleverly to the frontbench.

As shadow housing, communities and local government secretary, he will be Angela Rayner’s opposite number. It’s an unexpectedly astute appointment, as the pair are both charismatic and naturally entertaining, yet able to speak plainly. Having someone like Cleverly back in the shadow cabinet may also lead to Jenrick receiving fewer column inches, which can only be a good thing.

Though this reshuffle is, in the grand scheme of things, unlikely to meaningfully change the fortunes of the opposition, it may stop things from getting worse. That’s not the thickest of silver linings, but right now? We’ll take what we can get.