For the love of God, stop taking your Zoom meetings in cafes

I definitely wasn’t earning enough money to get myself a desk in a co-working space, and I knew I wanted a place that was more lively than my local library. I wanted something with character, and ideally containing some characters. What I was looking for, in short, was a nice neighbourhood café.

I walked around my area of south London and eventually found one. The staff were friendly, the tables mostly taken up by the same people every day, and the coffee was cheap. Within months, I ended up working from there at least four days a week, for around five hours a day. At first, I would order two drinks – one in the morning and one in the afternoon – and go out for lunch. Once they started selling sandwiches, I’d order one of those for lunch whenever I was there.

The pandemic forced me to leave the café alone for a little while but, the moment it reopened, I practically ran back to it. I still remember the first time I sat in their little garden for the first time in months; I burst out crying, not out of happiness or sorrow but mere relief at knowing that things were going back to normal.

Sadly, in 2023, our great love story came to an end. Though laptop use had once been frowned upon in the evening but allowed during the day, management had decided to get rid of them altogether. I tried to argue for a few tables being designated as laptop-friendly, but to no avail. Three years ago, I found myself in need of a new home.

Eventually, I stumbled upon a nice little place near my flat; a bit pretentious, and arguably too fancy for my tastes, but the owner seemed pleasant and – praise the lord! – laptops were allowed. I’ve now been working from there for several years. It should be heaven but… well, if it weren’t for the other people, as Sartre didn’t quite put it.

I popped in this morning to get some boring admin done, and found myself within auditory reach of not one, not two, but three people taking part in remote work meetings. Naturally, the nearest one was some middle-aged bloke loudly trying to pitch an AI-based start-up to some investors. At risk of stating the obvious: it was unbearable.

Suggested Reading

The dream is no longer to be the boss – it’s to be the intern

Lucy Reade

This morning also wasn’t an exception. These days, it seems to have become quite common for people to take Zoom or Teams calls from cafés, noise-cancelling headphones firmly in their ears. I have to admit I just don’t get it. If your eyes are going to be glued to your screen and the only sounds reaching you are coming from your computer, then why on earth not be in the office or at home?

Obviously, these people are hard to ignore, as the human brain finds it harder to tune out a conversation if it only hears one side of it, but they also make me quite sad. Not everyone going to a café should be forced to interact with their fellow man but, if you’re in a public place, you should at least remain open to the possibility of human interaction. On more than one occasion, for example, I witnessed babies or toddlers waving and smiling at adults, only for said adults to fail to notice them entirely. My heart was crushed each time.

Also, again: it is annoying. I purposely chose a career that means I never have to worry about my KPIs – must I really start hearing about others’? Work may not have to always happen in the workplace, but it shouldn’t contaminate every other facet of life.

Or am I being a hypocrite? After all, people sitting alone with laptops were, not that long ago, the one thing people hated seeing in cafés. We were told it was an antisocial thing to do, it killed businesses, and prevented others from being jolly consumers. Am I really allowed to complain about Teams calls if the reason they annoy me so much is that they prevent me from focusing on my own work, which I am also choosing to do in a public space normally reserved for leisure?

The answer is: I have no idea. Of course, I want to argue that I, Marie, am not part of the problem, as I’ll always be happy interrupting my work to babble with toddlers or pet passing dogs, or generally have a quick chat with a nice person happening to sit near me, but I know I’m the exception. If I’m arguing in favour of laptops being allowed in cafés, then I’m arguing in favour of people sitting sullenly with headphones on and ignoring the world around them. 

Still, I can’t imagine a worse predicament than having to work from home alone all day, or going to a co-working space where – shudder – everyone else is also working. I think it’s neat to be able to surround yourself with life even when you’re nominally earning your crust. I feel lucky I’m able to do it. I just preferred it when the other remote workers weren’t doing it too. Is that a crime? Oh, please tell me it isn’t.